Stormtrooper Gordon's Blog
Look at how sweet I look in my brand new armor. I am so excited to start my career serving the Empire with as a member of the stormtroopers. I bet even Princess Leia wants me now.
Gordon here, we just landed in Denver, Colorado to hunt for the droids. There is a Star Trek convention that we have rumors that the droids will be here. I will keep you updated as we search.
I SEE THE CHROME DOME. HE IS ALL THE ACROSS THE ROOM. MOVING IN TO CAPTURE THE REBEL SCUM.
Never mind, turns out it was some drunk bald guy. But he is pretty cool and he likes my armor so we took this picture.
I will keep you updated if I can find anything else out about our fugitives.
So I have some news that Lord Vader is pissed about. The little round trash can was there, but he tricked me.
So I had him cornered right here and then he turned and access the tech panel releasing the hose and fogging up the room with steam. By the time I got out is little jet-packed metallic ass was long gone.
So I am going over the security tapes from Denver.
I have found out that ScrewU-D2 had some help. I am going to post the
picture and make sure that my Lords at the Galactic Empire ram an Imperial
Star Destroyer up their butts.
I hate you all. Come back so I can clone your asses just to kill you over and over. Dumb2 I'll find you.
|4/20/10 14:09:31||Good News Everyone!!! Vader let me put up our list of 10 Most Wanted Droids. Click here to go there. Now we will find those mechanical waste of spaces. Also I got some footage of Vader before battle, but he was pissed when he found out, I blamed it on Jeff, who was later choked by the force. I am going to miss Jeff. Anyway, I hid it, I mean Jeff hid it on the site so if you can find it enjoy.|
|4/22/10 13:58:02||So after the escape of the droids the other day, Vader had a talk with us all. The Empire is even starting a new "Droid Hunting Class". The even picked me as the first participant!!! The official title is Remedial Droid Hunting 101 with Lt. Arnet. I will post a group photo later.|
|4/22/10 21:50:34||Here is my sweet picture
from class today.
|4/25/10 21:27:12||This is a special shout out for my clone trooper brothers from a different test tube mother. I just watched the documentary Attack of the Clones. Man, I hate droids. I am supposed to write a paper for class on the Clone Wars, but I got side tracked watching the greatest hockey team in the galaxy. I want to hip check C-3PO just like the Canucks do in the NHL. Hey, by the way rumor has it there is going to be a new "Rebel Scum" propaganda campaign. I will get Edward the Internet Intern to post it when it comes out. Look for it in the next day or so. I also had Edward upload a new video of the worst moment in trooper history. It's never seen before footage from Tatooine. Hey, I'm off to write my paper, Why Droids Ruined the Clone Wars. Deuces.|
everyone, sorry about the long absence. I was out hunting down those
little electronic doorstops called Astromech Droids. There is a lot of
excitement here. Rumor has it we will be getting some new
stormtroopers in a month or so. They are going to be coming in from
all over the galaxy. I can't wait, after all Vinny found Stephen's
helmet in his latest adventure. Well I have no proof it's Stephen's
but me being the super sleuth trooper I am I know. Here is a my proof.
1)I haven't seen Stephen since that Stormwok fella had is blood. 2) See the
Photo by Nosajmunson and Anakin Stahlwalker
Can you honestly say that it is not Stephen? How do you argue those facts.
|5/2/10 21:49:25||Hey, Hey, Hey. So I
had quite the weekend. Vader sent us to Naboo to get some stuff on
Queen Amidala. I don't know what the deal with him and her is but he
sure is interested in her. It's like he's in love. VADER AND
PADME sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Hey that's funny cuz it would
never happen. I know that since Vader and I are like bestest friends
and he would tell me if there was something to that.
Also, we took care of a kitten problem on the Deathstar v3.0. I put some pictures up. After they posted Lt. Nosajmunson got pissed, apparently the fugitives were on board. Seriously, why the F would they be on the Deathstar? Who would have ever thought to even look there.
|5/3/10 21:49:32||Crazy, it's almost exactly 24 hours since I last updated this. So I got the security footage back and the droids were there. But, in my defense I am AWESOME. Then Lt. Nosajmunson showed me pictures, so he caught me on break. Did you know that breaks are forbidden by the Galactic Empire Employee Handbook and are punishable by force choke? Me either, good thing I baby sit Nosajmunson's kids every once in a while so he told Vader it was Stormtrooper Ferdinand. You will never see anything more about Ferdinand here. Anyways, the droids were in the cantina and I missed them again. Vader always said the cantina was a horrible place. He got in a fight there once or something. Check his page for that story.|
|5/5/10 11:43:21||I hate droids, but I love
CINCO DE MAYO. I bet you didn't you the Galactic Empire celebrates
Cinco De Mayo. It's actually a pretty busy week. This week is
national pet week, so pet your bantha extra hard (grow up Jason).
Yesterday was May the Fourth be with you day. Which is weird cuz only
Vader uses the force. So it's more a May the Vader be with you, and
I'm not like that. If Vader was a cutie like Jenn Stergen then all is
good. Seriously, Jenn if you are reading this, hit me up. We can go
out for a beer and some death sticks, unless you don't want me to serve you
death sticks, actually I want to go home and rethink my life.
Yeah, who doesn't think she is cute.
everyone, I just got back from some special event. It was some guy
named Anakin Stahlwalker's birthday. So we celebrated it on Tatooine.
Rumor has it the droids were even there, but I don't know if it is true or
not. On the other hand, I found a sweet ride. Check it out.
I got my very own BANTHA.
I named him Charlie. He was the biggest bantha I could find. He makes it great for shooting Tuskans. I also started training as a backup Sandtrooper. I'm hoping to take Stephen's place on the Tatooine patrol but Lt. Nasojmunson said I'm not ready. I will show him.
|5/10/10 21:22:21||So my
first day as a Sandtrooper didn't go so well. I boarded the wrong
starship and ended up on Hoth. It's fricken freezing there and the
desert armor doesn't insulate with a crap. I took seven steps from the
spaceport and my legs froze to the ground.
I was stuck there for an hour then a big ice chunk slide off the roof of the space port and landed on me.
The worst part of all, when I woke up I was froze to the ground and couldn't move. I thought I was dreaming because I could see the sun and the moon at the same time. But after my eyes focused I realized it was the two chrome domes we were looking for, but I couldn't move at all. By the time workers thawed me out, they were long gone. Now I have to meet with Lt. Nosajmunson tomorrow to discuss my assignment. This sucks.
What's Cracken my Galactic Spacechumps? So I just wanted to make it
clear that I am down with it. I know how to get "Jiggy". So I
got pulled from active duty. I got assigned to temporarily teach Droid
Hunting. I know what you are thinking. To Catch the Best, you
need to be trained by the best. I guess Vader was thinking the same
thing when Lt. Nosajmunson reassigned me. I taught the new recruits
same sweet dance moves to pick up space chicks on weekend leave. You
might have heard of the macerena, but I told them it was the "GORD"-erena.
Our new hires are so stupid.
Go here to see the picks.
The lights were funny so it came out really bright, hopefully we can we do
Oh I almost forgot, I took the "NEWBIES" out and about. I thought we almost found the droids too. But, it turns out the were just stormtroopers from a different starship or something. Some nice young kid even had documentation that they were not the droids we are looking for. I thought he was a jedi at first with a lightsaber, but it turns out it was just a highpowered blue flashlight. He had some old guy with him that was so excited to hear his buddy tell us and show us the sign. It was weird he kept calling Duke by the name of Luke and then having to correct it at the last second. Some friend he is. Although the old guy was cool and did give us a copy of the picture he took. Check it out, until next time Dueces.
|5/17/10 15:08:32||Hey everyone sorry I was
gone so long, my computer is being a little baby. I tell it do
one thing and it cries and shuts off on me. So I handled it the
Galactic Way. I blew it up. I am now rocking a new computer so
all should be up and running again. I was asked to pick the droids out
of a lineup. I thought it would be easy but I got it wrong.
Guess who got mad again? Vader is cranky lately. Here is a pic
of me in action. You tell me if you can spot the droids.
Going left to right I picked number 2 and 4. Who knew that the droids were 1 and 3? So Vader said I have a special mission to make me smarter. I am scared.
|5/18/10 10:02:11||So Vader von Masterbater, just joking I didn't say that, made his Team Building site open to the public. It used to be an easter egg but he wanted more people to see it. He says our attitudes suck here but I don't believe him. The only thing that sucks here is his belief in that old Jedi force stuff. Good thing he "pretends" I'm an idiot and doesn't read my blog so know one catches on how I am his favorite. He calls me dumb and stupid all the time, but I know he just doesn't want to show everyone else how much he likes me. He his also going to posting pictures daily about life on the Deathstar. I hope I am in a lot of them.|
|5/21/10 23:04:21||HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO EMPIRE STRIKES BACK. It turned 30 today. That's five years older then me. WOW. Hey if you go to the team building page you can see me carrying the Olympic Torch. It's pretty sweet. So I am going to wear my old sand trooper gear with a current sand trooper and recreate a famous scene from the documentary A New Hope tomorrow. Make sure you check back for it. Still looking for those damn droids. I can never find them when it counts.|
would like to apologize for to all for failing to live up to the hype about
recreating the New Hope scene. We set out to visit Mos Eisley
Spaceport to see where the droid hunt all went wrong at, but my camera
batteries died and I had no extras. GREAT NEWS THOUGH, I picked up a
OT shift on Hoth and got to participate in a raid on the Rebel base.
Vader wasn't happy with me at first, but then he realized that guys got to
dance sometimes. Check it out below.
Vader was actually pretty cool, but he is shorter then I remember.
|5/28/10 11:54:23||So I am going watch
MC Chris tomorrow night. He's a
"Deathstar" in the music world. Get it I took star and said deathstar
to please the empire. I am awesome. But he
raps about a guy named Boba Fett.
He is a BAD ASS. He was paid by Jabba the Hutt to catch Han Solo. He even has a corvette. Someone said that Fett was like my brother or something, which does make sense cause he is a great shot and I consider my self as an excellent marksman. So I think I might change my name to Gordon Fett, but I am not sure. I don't know what the lady's will think of Gordon Fett.
|5/30/10 20:57:13||So MC Chris was awesome, my buddy Anakin Stahlwalker, who runs this site even got to meet him. Check the main page for a picture with him. MC was fun and the Nosajmunson even won the nerd t-shirt contest. Visit his site http://www.ihatepeacocks.com It's a great site and as a lot of kick ass stuff daily. It's my second favorite site. Nosajmunson got third in Denver, so he took the Gordon approach, LEAVE NO DOUBT, and wore a t-shirt with unicorns doing the Luke and Leia thing and getting all up in each other.|